b. I want him, not you

So we’re back here again

Rainy sidewalks and yellow umbrellas

I’m waiting for you to say what I already know

and you’re waiting for me to say

something you hopefully don’t know

I feel like a monster when I speak to you

Sentences don’t really make sense

Walls don’t come down

and Titanic doesn’t play in my ears

When I see you,

I wanted it to play for you, I really did

I even tried to learn the score myself

but it never works out

The a-capella team is already full.

And you — you deserve better anyway,

Squirrels mistake my clothes for bark

And cold, shivering mice mistake my pockets for empty dens

You deserve someone better

Someone with clean clothes and fuller pockets

Someone who sings for you

Someone better than me

So we’re back at it again

Rainy sidewalks and yellow umbrellas

I’m waiting to tell you that I want him, not you

But he wants you, not me

You tell me that you want me, not him

And my heart just wants a single night out of the whole year

where it doesn’t have to think about boys at all

This autumn,

I wish I can love for the

Very last time

c. You need to pick her

You need to get a girlfriend, M.

You need to tell me that you’ve found someone new

And you need to do the whole kissing &

Holding hands thing with her when I walk by you two

You need to pretend that I don’t exist

And you need to pretend that we never happened

I say this because when you break me,

I need you to go all the way

please don’t leave me in the hallways hanging halfway

or wish me a happy birthday in July

don’t ask me how I am on a sad Friday night

don’t feel sorry for me and

above all, don’t say sorry either — I don’t want to hear it

You need to pick her, M.

That’s right

Keep looking at her

Focus on her

You only smile when you’re with her

It’s the only time I’ve ever seen you smile that big

And I want you to keep smiling

You look really cute when you smile

Don’t you know that?

You give me butterflies I cannot have

I want you to be happy, M.

You need to look at her

Keep looking that way

She’s got everything I don’t

She’s pretty like Branford*,

Smart like Berkeley*,

Talented like JE*,

Popular like Ezra Stiles*,

And bold like Trumbull*,

She’s a much better writer

than Davenport* will ever be and she’s a

Supermodel if I’ve ever seen one.

She’s everything I can never be

And I want you to have everything I can never be

I need you to keep looking that way, M.

I need you to leave me behind.

Don’t worry about me, okay?

I’m going to be okay.

I promise

It’s time to let this go, and

You need to break it off

Break me entirely, completely, fully & give our past mercy

So I can start building myself up from scratch again

Don't tell me to mend a cracked heart

when I can only buy a new one

Let’s hope the price isn’t too high this time.

I hope you’re happy, M.

Pick her and I’ll put

hope away.

*Residential colleges for Yale undergraduates. There are 14 of them. I'm in Davenport.